The ghost coder

You know it's going to be interesting when Tony pipes up with "am I retarded?".  Beyond the obvious answer, this gem went along the lines of..

Tony was trying to test some feature and it turns out there was no code written for it.  Tony proceeded to go on for a good while swearing blind he wrote it and then considering he had an out of body experience and must have written it in a dream (like when Pam dreamt in Dallas that Bobby had been shot!).  Tony swears blind he wrote it (in the dream but clearly not).  Amusing.

This ended up with Tony walking to the kitchen remarking "I'm going to have to write it all again!".  Again???!  Or "now" :)

The bottle of vodka

Tony was reviewing some code today that I guess was pretty good stuff.  People have a different way of expressing when something is cool or well done.  Some say "that's cool" or "great job" or "that is brilliant".  Being as it's Tony we're discussing here though, there has to be something different.

Developer: I've done this...
Tony: That's good..
Tony: Do you have a bottle of vodka?
Developer: ????
Tony: Yeah, when I see something really good like 20 lines of code condensed into one, I just want to chug a bottle of vodka.

Of course.

The hard sell

Tony received a call the other day from someone who was looking to purchase a car. This car was at a local dealer and was previously owned by Tony. The guy had a few questions - well serviced, etc. after answering the questions Tony then proceeded to ask the guy if he was looking to buy a house. Tony is trying to sell his house and has asked everyone to buy it.

It's a great house...but it's in Barrhaven. Meh.

The library in Vegas

While visiting a trade show in Vegas, Tony broke from the group at the end of the day, remarking he was going to find a library. Next morning when asked about said library, it turned out he'd instead found a different establishment - women's mud wrestling! I'm betting there was some interesting reading there!

The working poor

Driving to go to a meeting with a vendor, Tony was remarking how he's being made to pay US and Canadian taxes this year. This is a huge hardship and Tony describe himself as "the working poor". Clearly. With a paid for house, new car, new condo, it's a very apt description. Probably.

Lost at the trade show

After four days in Vegas beating the same path to the Signiant booth each day, Tony wanders in to the booth with this gem ... (haltingly) "...sorry I'm late guys, I spaced out on the way here and just didn't know where I was.  It happens from time to time."

Big Mike Vs the Big Mac

Another cracker yesterday.  Tony and some friends had a bet with one of their circle - a chap called "Big Mike" that he couldn't eat a Big Mac in one mouthful.  Somehow, Big Mike defied the laws of physics and managed to stuff an entire big mac (2 all beef patties, lettuce, sauce...) into his gob in one go!  Tony then recounted how Big Mike then started to panic as he couldn't move his jaw to chew and was essentially stuck.

It ended with Big Mike going to the nearly conveniences and picking said Big Mac out of his mouth and disposing of it.  Bleh.

I found Bin Laden

Tony found a local place in town to get winter tires fitted a few years back.  He found a place that was incredibly cheap.  Shortly after Tony arrived at this place I received a text that said

"I think I've found Bin Laden's hiding place"

I guess the place was in an "interesting" location and rather cave like!  Amusing comparison :)

One way

Tony is special. Here he submits a field report for the blog:

Driving on gladstone (downtown) last night.

"What the hell is all that honking?"
"Hey...this guy is coming straight at me!!!"

Gladstone is not a one way street, take a guess on what side of the yellow I was driving on.

I own you

Tony just recounted a story about how when he got married ( the 1st time) his wife asked if he thought anything would change. Tony's response was that yeah, it should all change now - you'll do the cleaning, cooking, dishes..etc. wife asked tony why he thought that? His response: "well, because I own you".

Welcome to Viking land!

Eating out - Tony style

I went to a local eating establishment this past weekend with Tony. While ordering he had to give the waitress very particular instructions...the crepe had to be on a separate plate, the beans couldn't touch anything...in fact, no items on the plate were permitted to touch any others!

I think the waitress found Tony "interesting".

Tumour

A number of years ago Tony was talking to a mutual friend who was mentioning that he was having really bad headaches  Tony being Tony said "Maybe it is a tumour"

Unfortunatly iy turned out that was a tumour

Food

Tony likes to eat. Working out, not so much. But he does want to maintain his physique, for those holidays when he needs to as he claims, "break out the Speedo". Co-worker Mike is a bit of a fitness guru, formally trained in exercise and nutrition. Tony once told me "I am on Mike's training routine so I can eat more desserts now and not get fat."

I think he really believes this.

I am Ironman

Several years ago, the office had a cycling time-trial challenge. With only 5 participants, Tony was pretty confident he would defeat them all. Tony, of course, hadn't ridden a bike for a while, and most of the other competitors had either competed in time trials before, or were regular commuters, typically racking up 18+km/day rides to and from work. Nevertheless, he boasted about his prowess, reminding us that he was working out, focussing on weight lifting to increase his upper-body strength (really useful for a cyclist - NOT!). Carb loading involved lots of pizza and desserts.

On the day of the TT, Tony did not win as predicted. In fact, he came in dead-last, AFTER his girlfriend, a late-minute entry, who was riding an old-fashioned, poorly maintained girly bike.

How about trying honesty?

I remember when Tony had recently become single after many years of marriage, and he was dating women he had met through online dating sites. Tony was chatting with me about one of the women he had met, who loved to run. Tony had told her that he loved to run as well, and they were working out together. She had proposed they run a 10K together, and Tony was genuinely perplexed at what to do, since he hated running, and certainly had no interest in the 10K. He figured he'd have to break up with her before the 10K came around.

The basement TV

Recently, I went over to Tony's place.  His house is immaculate..everything is high end, it's a really nice place.  The basement was recently finished to a pretty high standard and it has the ultimate home entertainment system down there...consisting of a VCR and a 19" CRT TV!  The future of tomorrow...AVAILABLE TODAY!

The Organic Toothpaste

We used to travel a lot for work - primarily to the US.  While travelling one time, Tony forgot to bring toothpaste.  Rather than calling the hotel front desk, Tony finds some local shop that sells toothpaste...except they only have organic paste....for $10+ a tube!  Tony buys said 'sand/jello mix in a tube", uses it and tries to expense it when he returns.  Claim - denied.  The tube, now legendary, still sits in a drawer in the work kitchen having now become the "communal toothpaste".  I don't think anyone else has yet used it though!

ClubMed 18-60

Tony came back from a week at the beach.  He's getting on a bit in life now but by no means ready to draw a pension yet.  Bearing in mind this is the guy who likes watching skimpty females mud wrestle in Vegas (see previous post!), he remarks that "some of these over 60 women look smoking hot!".  Ummm...yeah....ok.

What's all the hype about?

One morning I was raving about a movie I had seen. "Avatar" in 3D. I thought it was a cutting edge movie with stunning visual effects and advanced cinematic technology. Being a nerdy type, I was thoroughly impressed!

Tony overheard me and told me "I don't understand what all the hype is over that movie.". I was stunned that someone wasn't impressed by the awesome cinematography and graphic qualities of the movie. Upon further questioning by me Tony revealed he had rented it, and then watched it on his 14" CRT television.

Library in Las Vegas

So, every year we do this trade show in Las Vegas (NAB) ... and things get pretty hectic after a few days.  Not surprisingly people don't want to go out and party every night.

At dinner Tony announces "I think I'm going to look for a library tonight.  I just want to take it easy."

Fast forward to the next morning.

Tony is looking pretty rumpled ... picture "slept on park bench" kind of rumpled ... now you have the visual.

I ask Tony "What happened last night I thought you were only going to the library."
Tony: "Well, I was on my way and then this guy was handing out tickets for mud wrestling.  So, I dropped in for a beer or four ...".

That's Tony ...

p.s. I never found out what happened after the four beers.  But I don't think any library books were checked out.

You don't want me to come down there!

Back at a previous job, Tony spent a lot of time on the phone on behalf of his mother.  One memorable occasion, his ma had bought some blinds from a store and received less than satisfactory service.  Tony jumped to her rescue with a call to the blind store.  The conversation become steadily more heated over time resulting in the now famous words - "YOU DON'T WANT ME TO COME DOWN THERE"

The carrot on the stick...

The carrot on the stick...

Tony has a different definition of cool than some of us do. Here's an email from him for a time he needed to lower his standards with respect to vehicles. I'm glad he highlighted the last item in order to illustrate the cool factor of the car.

 "Does anyone have a vehicle I can borrow on Saturday to transfer three small trees? The trees are from Rona, three feet high, they just do not fit in my trunk. In return you can use my car, Infiniti I35 265 hp, leather seats, power everything, wood grain"

The rumble strips

I went on a road trip with Tony a while ago that was a moderately Long distance. I let Tony drive figuring I could relax for a change.

Down the side of the highway is indentations cut into the road that cause the car to vibrate...keeping people awake. Usually, most human drivers don't hit these often. Tony however thinks these should be driven on the whole time.

I spent the whole trip there making sure we didn't end up in the wall!! I should have driven.

The Town Car

When we were all younger, most of us were obsessing over cheap, reasonably performing cars. Tony's dream car - a Lincoln Town Car!

Next up...a beagle, a pipe and some slippers!

The demo

Every 2 weeks we do a small demo of the work we've completed in the past 2 weeks. Usually these are fairly short and cover off the basic functionality. This period, the group Tony was working with did some functionality that was important but didn't have a super visible piece to it.

Rather than show the basic functionality, tony developer an entire web site with pictures and videos of the Terminator. All that was missing was sound explosions.

Best. Demo. Ever. And only Tony could pull this off.

The White Suit

Tony is recounting a story about how he had a mustang, a white suit and a gold chain...and harassing customs officers. I'm shocked!

The Blackout

Tony recounted a great story yesterday which we'll call "the blackout".  While driving home from work one night (a short drive), Tony found himself around 20Km from home..with no idea how he got there and no idea how to get home!  He's recounting this story to me while I'm in the back of his car.  All I can think is 2 things:

• I'm in a car with Mr. Blackout
• Alien abduction

More goodness....

Intro

We work with a guy who we'd like to keep annonymous but let's call him "Tony" to have a name.  Tony is like Karl Pilkington...he has a story for everything!

We'll post some of the classic stories and sayings from "Tony" here!